Dear Team
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: After Ziva is killed in the line of duty, Tony doesn't want to be part of NCIS anymore. But he won't leave before telling his family how he feels about them. So he writes letters... Kinda a heartbreaker. Second chapter added.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Gibbs,

Before I hand in my resignation to Vance I wanted you to read this. Last night, I held my best friend's hand as she died. I watched the light leave her eyes. I never got a chance to tell her how I felt because you stopped me with your rules. This morning I came into work and had to tell my little sister and brother that not only did their best friend die on the street last night when she didn't need to be there, but I had to tell them that they had no chance to say goodbye to her, because you put her in a position she shouldn't have been in. She trusted you with her life, something she didn't do easily, and you misused that. I lost the love of my life last night, are you happy know? I know how you felt when you found out about Shannon. Abby hasn't played music in her lab since I told her, because, like a true gentleman, you left that pleasure to me didn't you? McGee hasn't said a word. They won't go near each other. They won't talk to me. You broke up our family Gibbs. Are you proud? I've written to the people that matter enough to care that I'm leaving. I cared about her too Gibbs. I have to make the phone call to Eli to tell him that he isn't a father anymore. Because you've just taken another child from him. You wanna know the worst bit? The second to last thing she said was 'promise me you will not blame Gibbs for this'. She slipped away doing everything she could to stop me hating you. Because she was perfect. She was brilliant, and the last thing she prayed for was for me to forgive you for taking her from me. Well, that's one promise I can't keep. Because I blame you Gibbs. I blame you.

Yours sincerely,

Your former Senior Field Agent.

Abs,

I'm so sorry Abby. You are far too young to have lost both of your best friends. Even though I'm not there, I'll always be there for you Abby. I'm only a phone call, text, Facebook message away. Ignore Gibbs please. Don't let him and his stupid rules keep you and McGee apart. I made that mistake with Ziva. I couldn't bare it if he robbed either of you of the chance of being happy. Don't let him get in the way Abby. I'm sorry that I had to break this to you. I'm sorry this job took another of your family. I'm, I'm just sorry sweetheart. I love you with all my heart Abigale and I'll always be there for you.

Stay strong,

Tony.

Tim,

Yet another sister has gone. Don't make the same mistake as me Tim; don't let Abby slip through your fingers. You never know how long you've got in this life, especially in our line of work, so take the chance and make each other happy. I'm always just a text away. You need me, you get hold of me. Anytime, day or night, I'll be there for you. You're the baby brother I never had. Never forget how much I love you just as I'll never forget how much you did for me. Do whatever makes you happy Tim.

Your brother,

Tony.

Ducky,

I know you won't, you didn't for Kate, why would you for Ziva, but I think you should get another ME in to do her autopsy. I know how hard you took Kate's. I always looked up to you Duck. You were like my wise old uncle that was always there with a cup of tea and a rambling story to cheer you up. Not gonna cut it this time. I want you to know that even if I'm not at NCIS, even if I turn my back on Gibbs, I'm not turning my back on you. I'm just a phone call away. I love you Ducky. You are my family. Blood is thicker than water, but nothing is thicker than love.

See ya Duck,

Tony.

My sweet darling ninja,

Oh baby, what do I say? I love you so much. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I will never stop loving you Zi, no matter how long I live. I'll never forget you. You were perfect, no matter what you thought. I wanted to make you my wife one day; I wanted to see our little DiNozzo-Davids running around. I'd give anything to see you smile one more time. I want to hear you laugh again. I don't want to see you die every time I close my eyes. I don't want to feel you loose your grip on me and life and watch the light ebb out of your eyes and hear you tell me how scared you were. I want to see you happy. I want to see you glow. Hell, I'd even settle for a death glare right now sweetheart. I just want you back. I want you in my arms again. I want to feel your warmth, your softness, your smile. I want you back Ziva. I'd give anything to have you back. But heaven's got a brand new angel and earth's got one more broken heart. I'm so sorry Ziva. I should have saved you. I should have, done, something, anything. If you were here now, you'd tell me off for babbling. Then again, if you were here, I wouldn't be writing this letter. I should have said this to you in person when I had the chance and oh God didn't you give me enough of them? Don't leave me baby please. I don't know how to do this without you. I can't go on with life without you Zi because you were my life. I love you Ziva David, and always will. Sleep tight angel. Be peaceful.

Forever yours,

Tony.

Vance,

I quit. This job isn't worth it without her.

Formally yours,

Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo, Former Special Agent.

The NCIS team walked in, on the second day after Ziva's death, to find plain white envelopes on all of their desks. Another white envelope leant against a marble stone, both sodden from heartbroken tears. While the world discovered that he wasn't coming back, Tony stood in front of another grave, asking one last favour as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"Look after her until I can hold her, Jen."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note-I decided you all needed to know the circumstances surrounding why Ziva was there and why Tony blames Gibbs. So I've decided to add another chapter.

* * *

><p>Tony and Ziva laughed joyfully, the sound filling the bullpen.<p>

"So, do you wanna maybe...?" He trailed off, suddenly so unsure of himself.

"Yes?" She pressed carefully, noting the glint in his eye.

"I don't know, maybe, get a drink? With me? Maybe?" She smiled and his heart soared.

"Why Tony DiNozzo, are you asking me out?" She asked playfully. Tony chuckled.

"I guess I am. Is that okay?" Ziva laughed gently.

"Yes." She replied softly. "I think that is acceptable." Finally, I might get a chance to cross a couple of things off Tony thought as he leant down and kissed her cheek lingeringly. Ziva felt her pulse and breathing rates increase. All too soon Tony pulled away and reached for his back pack.

"Do you wanna meet me there or are you okay for me to drive you?" She smiled intimately.

"I am perfectly happy for you to drive me Tony." They shared a soft intimate smile but only seconds later the moment was broken by Gibbs' harsh tones.

"Ziver, I'm glad you're still here." Tony glared at his mentor, hoping he'd get the message that he needed her that night. "I need you to do something, one last job before you can clock off for the weekend. Ziva sighed.

"Of course Gibbs." She put her backpack down on her desk with more effort than it needed. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to follow him." He replied, passing her a photo of their suspect.

"Does that have to be _her_ Gibbs?" Tony interjected tensely. "Can't McGeek do it?"

"He'll spot McGee a mile away. You best get going Ziver, he just checked into his hotel." With that he was gone, entering the lift without another word.

"I am sorry." Ziva sighed picking up her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. "Another time?"

"Don't apologise Zi, it's not as if you volunteered, and let's be fair, he didn't really give you much of a choice did he?" She shook her head sadly.

"No." She looked at the ground. Tony gently lifted her head to meet his eye.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked gently.

"It is just; I was really looking forward to spending time with you. Silly, no?" He shook his head.

"I was looking forward to it too." He sighed and cupped her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "But hey, that's the way it goes sometimes. How about we have a movie night tomorrow? I'll even buy the popcorn?" She laughed.

"You are spoiling me DiNozzo."

"You're worth it, David." She met his eye suddenly at his barely audible words. Her heart was in her throat, her palms sweaty, and she had a sudden urge to kiss him. Instead she bit her lower lip and breathed deeply.

"I guess I should be going." He nodded, stroking a wayward curl behind her ear.

"Walk you out?"

"You be sure to call, if you need anything." Tony repeated for the third time while he leant over her door as she slid behind the wheel. "I'm not overly keen on you following this guy without back up, but Gibbs is right, he'd spot anyone else a mile off." She smiled.

"I will be fine. I will even call you when I get home if it will make you feel any better." He nodded and she laughed. "Okay, now I really must be going." She started the engine as Tony shut her door. He waved her off until she was out of sight before getting into his own car and driving home.

More than an hour later, Tony's phone buzzed on the coffee table. He paused the movie and checked the caller id.

"Ziva, that was quick." He chuckled until he heard her rapid laboured breathing filtering down the line.

"Tony." She croaked. "His hotel." She whimpered as pain started to engulf her but she knew he needed that information in order to find her.

"Okay, I'll be there in five." He kept the line open while he ran to his car and sped off, all without stopping to get a coat or shoes.

"Ziva!" He cried as he left the car open and unlocked, running across the street to fall beside her. Blood was seeping from her abdomen and her eyes were starting to roll in her head. "An ambulance might have been a better call Zi." He chastised gently, taking her hand. He called an ambulance quickly watching her face the entire time.

"Tony..." She gasped, squeezing his hand weakly.

"I'm here Zi. I'm not going anywhere." He replied, pushing down harder on her wound.

"Promise...promise me you will...not...blame Gibbs for this." She moaned in pain, writhing slightly on the cold ground.

"Shhh, don't speak darling. It'll be okay. Just hold on." She gripped his wrist with her spare hand, holding tightly now with both.

"Tony, I am scared." She whimpered again, her grip loosening.

"Hey, hey, hey no need to be scared Sweet Cheeks, the ambulance will be here soon and then we'll get you stitched up good as new." She didn't respond as her hands slipped from his. "Ziva?" His voice was shaking from fear as he looked into her eyes. The sparkle that he knew and loved slipped from her eyes as the life slipped from her body. "Ziva? Ziva! No, no, no, no, no, Ziva please! Don't leave me!" He sobbed just as sirens rounded the corner. "No!" He screamed. He knew there was nothing they could do. She was gone. It was over. Ziva David was dead and he never got a chance to say how much he loved her.


End file.
